2018 Paper 1 (SL) Tasmania (Part 2)

If someone were to ask you about an adequate student response, you might shrug your shoulders, you might purse your lips as you think of something to say about it, or you might make some unintelligible sound that means it’s okay.

In other words, it’s adequate.  The student provides enough analysis and demonstrates enough knowledge that the response isn’t bad.  Nothing is technically wrong.  But that’s it.  There’s nothing more. You’ll find this Standard Level Paper 1 from the May 2018 examination to be an adequate response to the text on Tasmania. 

So why show it to students?   

Comparing and contrasting exemplars is a wonderful way for them to not only understand the assessment criteria, but to also understand the expectations of this assessment.  InThinking has already published an excellent response that you can find here.  In talking about the differences between the two responses, students will develop a better understanding of what you mean by close textual analysis and well-chosen references.  They will see the difference between a well-developed and coherent argument versus a commentary that has an introduction, body and conclusion, but not much more than that. Those discussions about writing are essential and working with two exemplars is one way to help students reach their potential. 

Sample Student Response

May 2018 SL Paper 1 Tasmania (Part 2)

May 2018 SL Paper 1 Tasmania (Part 2)

The extract was adapted from the Tasmanian tourism website which was published in 2016 and written by Kathryn Leahy. The extract gives readers insight into the small island of Tasmania and the mystical caves that lie beneath the ground of the island, making them the islands greatest treasures. The article also explains the various adventures available to tourists that will make their experience worthwhile. The purpose this extract is to persuade and attract tourists to visit Tasmania and the beautiful caves that lie beneath it. The extract would be aimed at all tourists that are interested in visiting Tasmania and also tourists in need of a unique getaway from their hectic lives. The purpose of the text is to persuade tourists to visit the island of Tasmania is highlighted through Leahy’s use of images. Language and writing style as well as the layout and structure of the article.

            The various images scattered strategically across the extract from the website achieve the main purpose which is to attract and persuade tourists to visit Tasmania. The first large image at the top of the extract is what catches the readers attention. The image of the cave and the nature shows the beauty of Tasmania. Instantly when readers see this image it engages them and makes them want to continue reading. The use of colour with the green standing out from the dark cave. It captivates the reader making them feel as though they were in Tasmania. The second smaller image is unique to the other two images. It keeps the reader interested and intrigued, hence wanting to read more and becoming highly persuaded. The bright spots of blue light against the dark background make the reader drawn into the image and truly see the beauty of the cave. Finally the last image of the extract which is taken from inside of the cave is showcasing the breathtaking beauty of Tasmanias Mole Creek karst and it makes readers more persuaded to visit Tasmania. It is evident that the extracts use of imagery highlights the beauty of Tasmania and it’s caves visually which attracts and persuades readers to want to visit Tasmania.

            Leahy’s language and writing style is used to make the purpose of the text which is to persuade readers to visit Tasmania more evident. Throughout the extract Leahy has a very persuasive tone which draws the readers attention in. For instance she begins with a very matter of the fact statement, “Snap out of our wifi induced comas, ignore the urge to check emails.” This statement with a slight use of exaggeration highlights the reality of the readers current situation, hence persuading them to continue reading and to visit Tasmania to get a break from their bustling life. Leahy uses a book after the first to paragraphs to keep the readers engaged and to ensure they are persuaded to visit Tasmania, hence she states, “But not the nature you might expect.” This mysterious hook is a statement that will get readers highly intrigued and want to continue reading to find out about the unexpected nature in such a small island. Additionally several times in the extract Leahy uses of imagery to make sure the readers engaged as well as persuaded about Tasmania. For instance Leahy states, “where time is measured by drips of water and thing glow brighter without light.” This statement provides a vivid image of the caves, its mystical and surreal tone keeps the reader interested but also encapsulated. Lastly  Leahy also uses alot of logos in the last paragraph of the first page of the extract. The use of logos gives the reader the statistical figures. For instance when Leahy states, “At 394 meters below ground…”. This large statistical figure not only engages the reader about the vast depth of the cave but it also gets the reader persuaded by the reality of such untouched beauty in an Australian Island. Under the subheading “Mole Creek Karst National Park” Leahy states, “adventures that would satisfy any modern cave dweller.” This statement keeps the readers persuaded as it shows how such caves can be suitable for a wider audience, hence making it more attractive to a wider group of readers. Not only would cave dwellers enjoy it but it can be appreciated by many. Lastly Leahy’s use of listing in line 40, “stalactites…” This use of listing not only highlights the vast number of things to learn about in the cave but also in a way it shows off the knowledge of guides and the vast amount of knowledge one could gain from viewing the caves. Hence making the readers want to visit the caves and hence persuaded to visit Tasmania. Overall it shows how Leahy’s use of imagery, persuasive tone, hooking statements allow the reader to be persuaded into visiting Tasmania and it’s caves.

            Finally the readers are persuaded to visit Tasmania and it’s caves through Leahy’s layout and structure of the extract. At the top of the website there are links allowing the readers to explore more into Tasmania after reading the article, hence it indicates the ease of use but also to persuade reader to continue reading more about Tasmania. Also the bold title, “insider’s Guide”. It persuades and attract the readers attention by highlighting the exclusivity of the information in the article but also it highlights the type of information that could appear in the text to follow, hence keeping the readers engaged. Similarly the subtitle and new paragraphs of information, “Mole Creek Karst National Park”, it gives the reader more information allows the reader to be more persuaded but also more attracted to Tasmania and it’s vast amount of caves and sights it has to offer. Also this subheading draws the readers the readers attention to one specific part making them more interested in the National Parl. At the bottom of the article there is a small image and name of the author, hence allowing people to read more from the specific author of more specifically to possibly read after articles and pieces the author could have published in Tasmania. All these aspects of layout and structure of the piece keep the readers engaged and continue to persuade them to visit Tasmania.

            Overall it is evident that through Leahy’s use of images, Language and writing style as well as layout and structure of the text, it all highlights and achieves the main purpose of the text, which is to persuade readers to visit Tasmania.

Teacher's Comments

Criterion A - Understanding of the text - 5 marks

The analysis of the text should show an understanding of the text's purpose, its context (where this can be deduced) and a target audience.  One's analysis of the text needs to be supported by relevant examples from the text. 

3 out of 5:  There is an adequate understanding of the text, audience, context and purpose.  It's not yet "good."  Points are supported by references to the text.

Criterion B - Understanding of the use and effects of stylistic features- 5 marks

The analysis of the text must show an awareness of how stylistic features, such as tone, style and structure, are used to construct meaning. A good analysis comments on effects of these features on its target audience.

3 out of 5:  There is an adequate awareness of the stylistic features of the text, but the explanations of the effect needs to be much more thorough.  

Criterion C - Organization and development - 5 marks

The analysis must contain coherent arguments that are well-developed. The analysis must be organized effectively.

3 out of 5: It is adequately organized.  Sometimes, paragraphs/ideas are underdeveloped.  In other words, arguments could be more fully developed.

Criterion D - Language - 5 marks

The language of the analysis must be clear, varied and accurate.  The register of the analysis must be appropriate, meaning it contains formal sentence structure, good choice of words and effective terminology.

3 out of 5: Language is clear, but there are some lapses in word choice, grammar and sentence structure.  The register and style are generally appropriate and place it in this mark band even with the errors/lapses.  

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